Filtering our selfhood through other eyes is part of living as any kind of marginalized identity—we're conditioned to identify with the dominant group, subjugate parts that don’t fit its ideals, and prioritize its needs over our own.

Toxic relationships are hurtful, and exist on a continuum of uncaring and manipulative behavior, ranging from microaggressions to violence. It haunts us because it hurts us.

One of my frustrations with the rhetoric of self-care, especially as it’s tied up with contemporary mysticism, is it can feel so rarefied and classist. But self-love and self-acceptance should not be solely available to people of a certain tax bracket.

I was working to better understand women in my mother's generation—maybe mothers in all generations—mothers who are further down the road than I am.