“The heart belongs to the tide and the deep alone”

January 21, 2015

The upcoming Supreme Court decision on gay marriage is drawing a lot of attention. But what about the other ruling — the one aimed at grizzled old men? At The Onion, a report on Justice Alito’s recent decision, which tersely states that marriage is a pact between a man and the sea.

is a staff writer for The Millions. He lives in New York.